Evolution

Throughout this school year, my first one as a music major, I have grown and changed in many ways. These changes have transformed the way I perceive music, the way I practice music, the way I analyze music, and the way I relate to music. My classes, ensembles, and instructors have all influenced me in various ways, and I have made enormous personal and musical growth. I count it as a tremendous blessing to be able to pursue an education that allows me to explore my musical passion. This year has been short but absolutely jam-packed with experiences, and I eagerly await the growth I will continue to attain in future semesters.
Studying music theory has changed the way I view music by showing me that structure and guidelines can be a good thing. Some of my classmates have expressed frustration with the many "rules" and exceptions of voice-leading and counterpoint. However, I think the guidelines are beautiful! That may sound weird...but the guidelines essentially streamline the criteria for various genres of composition. That means that musicians all over the world have the opportunity to interact with pieces that are essentially connected at their very core. I mean, all existing pieces are essentially various compilations of the same chords, notes, and rhythms. Music is finite, and thus as a musician, I am connected to generations past by the thread of our music. The guidelines, for me, further enforce the truth that music is universal, and I think that is beautiful.
Through voice lessons, I have learned that success is defined by personal growth, not comparison to others. I always did, and still do have a problem with comparing myself to others. As I have hit ups and downs in my self-confidence and in my personal mental health journey, it has definitely impacted my performance in voice lessons. I have truly discovered the power of the mind, and how my outlook going into a lesson plays a huge role in determining the outcome of that lesson. I have spent too much of my life believing that "I can't do it", simply because I listened to the little voices in my head that convinced me someone else was better than I was, and that my individual worth and talent were somehow tied to theirs. It is time this way of thinking comes to an end. Those little voices in my head are from the Devil, and frankly, he can go back to where he belongs. I have made so many strides this year in my technique, performance confidence, and practice structure. I will celebrate those successes, and I will celebrate the successes of others. There isn't a finite amount of victory in the world. We may all win our battles, and we may all rejoice in one another's triumphs.
Finally, continuing my study of piano brought healing through music. I have gone through some difficult life events, both prior to coming to UMHB and during the past year here. Not to mention, adjusting to life as a new freshman in college is difficult enough just on its own! Through the music I worked on in my piano lessons, I was able to express my emotions and work through my thoughts. I often have a hard time outwardly expressing painful emotions. I have found that through throwing myself into creating a passionate rendition of the emotions written into the music, I am able to in turn feel and process my own emotions by proxy. My time at the piano is truly a gift from God, and I thank Him that I am able to continue that study at UMHB! He is so faithful.
Altogether, I am absolutely so blessed with the outcome of this first year at UMHB. I have learned and grown so much both musically and personally. The University of Mary Hardin-Baylor and its Music Department are truly a gift from the Lord.

Conditioning or Tradition?

For those of of who have grown up attending church, especially attending the same church for an extended period of time, it can often be weird or even difficult to attend another church with a different worship style. I 100% believe that different worship styles work for different people, and I love that there are so many choices out there for American modern Christians. Many individuals will visit various churches with various styles of worship throughout their lifetime, and, in a perfect world, they would be able to worship with abandon and personal freedom in each and every setting. However, that is not usually the case. We who have spent years in the church have a pre-disposition to a certain style of worship and a certain type of church music. Is this pre-disposition simply a natural and unavoidable response to tradition, or is it a sign of unhealthy conditioning?

I do not want this to be a theological discussion, nor do I have the knowledge to make it one. I want to merely examine the effects of associating worship with a certain type of music. For the sake of illustration, let's imagine that there is an individual who has been attending a church that features traditional gospel music sung by a choir paired with piano, organ, and orchestra for many years. This individual is happy and fulfilled in that church, and they find it easy to worship. If this individual were to attend a church that worships with trap set drums, bass guitar, and a praise team, would he or she feel led to worship with the same fulfillment and freedom that they typically do? In most instances, the answer would be no. The individual may even feel awkward or out of place. Where does this feeling come from? Shouldn't worship be worship, no matter what style of music is used?

I believe that there are a number of sources from which this barrier to worship may arise. They have been generalized as the following:
1. Familiarity and comfort
2. Corporate versus individualized singing
3. Actual sonority of instruments used
4. Prejudice and conditioning

Familiarity and comfort:
The individual's predisposition to a certain type of music and a certain style of worship may simply lie within the fact that what we know is comfortable. The individual does not by any means disdain other styles of music or worship, they merely feel more comfortable within the style that they are accustomed to. This is not necessarily a bad thing, as long as one takes care to recognize the merit of other styles. I believe that it is okay to have a custom when it comes to worship. It is merely having an individualized way of encountering the Lord. Again, this is not to say that one should be indignant and refuse to listen to the Lord's call when in situations that involve differing worship styles, it is just recognizing that the Lord's call may be more easily recognized when one feels comfortable and fulfilled in their environment.

Corporate versus individualized singing:
There are various studies published regarding the unifying and fulfilling effects of singing in a choir. Could an individual's ability to worship more freely in a church that uses a choir stem from this camaraderie and fellowship? Does the choir foster community that causes an individual to feel welcomed and free to express oneself in worship? In churches that use a praise team, the music is often louder and more contemporary. Does the loud music (that essentially covers up the congregation's singing), make individuals feel more free to worship because they are not insecure about being heard? Is there more merit to feeling valued and involved versus feeling ignored (in a good, humbling way) during worship? I believe that, again, the answer essentially lies in personal preference and individual heart condition.

Actual sonority of instruments used:
This is more of a theoretical point. I would be interested in studying the physical effects of different instruments on the human brain during worship. Does the low buzz of a bass guitar or the room-filling ring of an organ somehow cause one to feel more worshipful? Is our ability to worship drastically affected by the physics of sound? Do certain sounds have psychological effects that subconsciously stir one's heart toward worship? I am in no way suggesting that the presence of the Lord dwells within any certain instrument or sound- I am merely offering up the proposition that certain sound waves may have physical effects on the body that produce a sobering or awe-struck state of mind. Many people actually agree that certain instruments definitely play a role in moving individuals toward worship. This is why certain instruments are often used in "emotional evangelism" type settings. I would be interested in exploring whether or not that indiscernible "effect" derives from the actual physical sounds of those instruments or from our association of them with the idea of worship.

Prejudice and conditioning:
Although it is certainly not a positive thing, the fact of the matter is that sometimes individuals are raised to think that their individual music and worship preferences are somehow superior to all others. This often affects people subconsciously, and they do not always know that they have fallen victim to this type of conditioning. An individual's inability to worship with freedom in a church that is contradictory to the style that they are accustomed to could be a result of the fact that they subconsciously believe their way is the only way. I believe that this kind of thinking is absolutely toxic to the Kingdom of the Lord, and we must make every effort to recognize it when it occurs. It cannot be combatted if we do not even know that it is happening.

I would be very interested in studying each of these propositions in depth and over time, perhaps even utilizing controlled experiments of some sort. I do not know if these questions will ever be answered, but I feel that they are all important to consider. I fear the day when we stop asking questions, and become complacent in our learning, in our worship, and even in our walks with the Lord.